福克纳《喧哗与骚动》：昆丁的自杀

这几天，我在重看《喧哗与骚动》（Sound and Fury）中昆丁自杀的那一章。

几年前，我第一次看的时候，很喜欢这一章。但是这一次看，我觉得写得过于冗芜了。

我现在有点好奇，不知道福克纳写的时候，到底是怎么想的：他本人没有上过大学，可是偏要写一个哈佛大学的学生；他出生在一个南方的小地方，可偏要写波士顿这样的大城市（他去过吗？）；他个人的性格是有点温和顺从的，可是描写的却是主人公自杀前的最后一天......他在想象中为自己营造了一个怎样的世界啊？

下面是我非常喜欢的一段，也是美国文学中的名篇。

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车子很快就来了。我上了车。人们都扭过头来看我的眼睛，我在车厢左边找到了一个空座。

Pretty soon the car came. I got on it, they turning to look at my eye, and found a seat on the left side.

车子里灯亮着，因此我们在树丛里驶过时除了我自己的脸和坐在过道对面的那个女人以外，我什么都看不见，她头上端端正正地戴着一顶帽子，帽子上插了根断了的羽毛，可是等电车走出林子，我又能看见微弱的天光了，还是那种光质，仿佛时间片刻之间的确停滞了，太阳也一直悬在地平线底下似的。接着我们又经过了曾有个老人在那儿吃纸口袋里的东西的木亭，大路在苍茫暮色中伸展向前，进入了晦暗之中，我又感到河水在远处平静、迅疾地流动着。

The lights were on in the car, so while we ran between trees I couldn't see anything except my own face and a woman across the aisle with a hat sitting right on top of her head, with a broken feather in it, but when we ran out of the trees I could see the twilight again, that quality of light as if time really had stopped for a while, with the sun hanging just under the horizon, and then we passed the marquee where the old man had been eating out of the sack, and the road going on under the twilight, into twilight and the sense of water peaceful and swift beyond.

电车继续向前疾驰，从敞开的车门刮进来的风越来越大，到后来，车厢里充满了夏天与黑夜的气息，唯独没有忍冬的香味。

Then the car went on, the draft building steadily up in the open door until it was drawing steadily through the car with the odor of summer and darkness except honeysuckle.

忍冬是所有的香味中最最悲哀的一种了，我想。

Honeysuckle was the saddest odor of all, I think.

我记得许多种花的香味。紫藤就是其中之一。

I remember lots of them. Wistaria was one.

逢到下雨天，当妈妈感到身子还好，能坐在窗前时，我们总是在紫藤架下玩耍。

On the rainy days when Mother wasn't feeling quite bad enough to stay away from the windows we used to play under it.

如果妈妈躺倒在床上，迪尔西就会让我们加上一件旧衣服，让我们到雨中去玩，因为据她说雨对小孩子并没有什么坏处。

When Mother stayed in bed Dilsey would put old clothes on us and let us go out in the rain because she said rain never hurt young folks.

倘若妈妈没躺在床上，我们总是在门廊上玩，一直到她嫌我们太吵了，我们这才出去在紫藤架下玩耍。

But if Mother was up we always began by playing on the porch until she said we were making too much noise, then we went out and played under the wisteria frame.

这儿就是今天早上我最后看到大河的地方，反正就在这一带。

This was where I saw the river for the last time this morning, about here.

我能觉出苍茫暮色的深处有着河水，它自有一股气味。

I could feel water beyond the twilight, smell.

在春天开花的时节遇到下雨时到处都弥漫着这种香气别的时候你可并不注意到香气这么浓可是逢到下雨一到黄昏香味就侵袭到屋子里来了要么就是黄昏时雨下得多要么就是微光本身里存在着一种什么东西反正那时香味最最浓郁到后来我受不了啦躺在床上老想着它什么时候才消失什么时候才消失啊。

When it bloomed in the spring and it rained the smell was everywhere you didn't notice it so much at other times but when it rained the smell began to come into the house at twilight either it would rain more at twilight or there was something in the light itself but it always smelled strongest then until I would lie in bed thinking when will it stop when will it stop.

车门口吹进来的风里有一股水的气息，一种潮湿的稳定的气息。

The draft in the door smelled of water, a damp steady breath.

有时候我一遍遍地念叨着这句话就可以使自己入睡到后来忍冬的香味和别的一切掺和在一起了这一切成了夜晚与不安的象怔我觉得好象是躺着既没有睡着也并不醒着我俯瞰着一条半明半暗的灰蒙蒙的长廊在这廊上一切稳固的东西都变得影子似的影影绰绰难以辨清我干过的一切也都成了影子我感到的一切为之而受苦的一切也都具备了形象滑稽而又邪恶莫名其妙地嘲弄我它们继承着它们本应予以肯定的对意义的否定我不断地想我是我不是谁不是不是谁。

Sometimes I could put myself to sleep saying that over and over until after the honeysuckle got all mixed up in it the whole thing came to symbolis night and unrest I seemed to be lying neither asleep nor awake looking down a long corridor of gray halflight where all stable things had become shadowy paradoxical all I had done shadows all I had felt suffered taking visible form antic and perverse mocking without relevance inherent themselves with the denial of the significance they should have affirmed thinking I was I was not who was not was not who.

隔着苍茫的暮色我能嗅出河弯的气味，我看见最后的光线懒洋洋而平静地依附在沙洲上，沙洲象是许多镜子的残片，再往远处，光线开始化开在苍白澄澈的空气中，微微颤动着，就象远处有些蝴蝶在扑动似的。

I could smell the curves of the river beyond the dusk and I saw the last light supine and tranquil upon tideflats like pieces of broken mirror, then beyond them lights began in the pale clear air, trembling a little like butterflies hovering a long way off.

......

电车停了。

The car stopped.

我下了车，人们又纷纷看我的眼睛。

I got out, with them looking at my eye.

来了一辆无轨电车，里面挤满了人。

When the trolley came it was full.

我站在车厢门口的后平台上。

I stopped on the back platform.

"前面有座，"卖票的说。

"Seats up front," the conductor said.

我往车厢里瞥了一眼。左边并没有空位子。

I looked into the car. There were no seats on the left side.

"我就要下车的，"我说。"就站在这儿得了。"

"I'm not going far," I said. "I'll just stand here."

我们渡过了河。

We crossed the river.

那座桥坡度很小，却高高地耸立在空中，在寂静与虚无里，黄色、红色与绿色的电火花在清澈的空气里一遍又一遍地闪烁着。

The bridge, that is, arching slow and high into space, between silence and nothingness where lights-- yellow and red and green--trembled in the clear air, repeating themselves.

"你还是上前面去找个座位吧，"售票员说。

"Better go up front and get a seat," the conductor said.

"我很快就要下车的，"我说，"再过两个街口就到了。"

"I get off pretty soon," I said. "A couple of blocks."